i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
