it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
