I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
