Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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