wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
