Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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