i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
