Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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