i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize