just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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