***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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