No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
