You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
