I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
