Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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