dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
