I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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