I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
