i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
