For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
