fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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