let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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