i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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