I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
