im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
