I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
