she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
