This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
