Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
