what day is it and did you see me today?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The air taste purple.
Randomize
