a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
