my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
