When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
