I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
