how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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