I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
