I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
