i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
