I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
