I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
