hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And then he peed in my hair
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