You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
