nut hugger
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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