508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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