What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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