SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
