Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
