I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
