sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
