I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize