if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
