you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
