That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
