I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So vagazzling was a success
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize