so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
