he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
tell me about the eggs
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