yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
