I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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