Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
