Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
