If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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