Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
