I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize