I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
