I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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