Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
