Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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