theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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