I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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