turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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