planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
