Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
