I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize