I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize