look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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