vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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