Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
