its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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