Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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