oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
