Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
