she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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