i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
