Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
