new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
