it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
