Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
