my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
